Cogito, ergo sum

Great Minds Discuss Ideas

2012-01-08T14:19:00.000+05:00

I like fishing for boobs. We all do. And guys, I've come up with a plan for you to get your hands on some. All you need to do is go to a women's underwear store, hide behind a stash/pile/display/whatever of bras, stick your hands out, and wait for someone to try out "The Hand Bra":

This has never failed me.

And if you didn't know, 2012 has been declared as the Breast Awareness Year. I'll be doing my part, as a womanitarian, by conducting surprise check ups.

Let them know they have breasts.

Speaking of breasts, I like them. What I don't like is a woman who's tired of sweat during summers. Especially boob-sweat. To solve this problem, I have invented a bra to cool everything down. It's padded with coolants to keep the mammary glands at a low temperature.

The CyroBra

Not only will women find this helpful, but guys will thank me for this too. If you've seen them cold, you'll get the point(s).

Questions I Like Answering

2012-01-01T23:23:00.002+05:00

Attend a New Year's Party for Free

2011-12-29T22:30:00.000+05:00

New year's eve is two nights away. And here I am, alone in my room, having nothing to look forward to. I'm sad because I haven't been to one party my entire life. I haven't met one drunk chick. No girl, or guy, has grinded against me on the dance floor. Short story shorter: I'm a loser, and I need to attend a party.

Since all my friends are guys and we're all broke and have no dates to go to parties with, we came up with a few plans. The one I thought of was the most diabolic, of course. Try it if you want; it's simple.

Create an event page.
Write everything you'd find on any other event page.
Invite all the girls. Tell them to invite more girls. And only girls.
Don't disclose the venue.
Sell them a ticket for a lot of money.
Use money to get a ticket to a real party.
Refund them a small percentage of what they paid.
Apologize because "the party got diverted" and take them to the real party.
Sex.

Here's a party invitation I read yesterday:

Took me an hour to figure out what TWO ZEERO ONE TWO meant.

This is all you need to write to make a fake event page.

However, I'm too lazy to carry out this plan. So, if you're a girl in Islamabad with a lot of money, please take me to a party, or I'll die like I'll sleep on new year's eve - alone. Please, think of me and a few of my single, very sexy friends. All we want is to see a few drunk chicks flashing around, and falling here and there. That's all.

That's all.

Even Impotent says, "I M Potent."

2011-12-13T00:30:00.000+05:00

Last month wasn't kind to me because of the ban on porn sites by Pakistan Telecommunication Authority. To me, it was like a no-porn apocalypse. All I had to do was store up a few terabytes of pornographic material to survive before they took them all down. I almost cried the night I couldn't watch porn. The ban was lifted, though, the next day. Whenever I watch a video, I skip the first ten minutes of foreplay and watch the good part only. However, after the one night spent without any pornographic material on my laptop, I watched a whole video of 27 minutes, because I'm that awesome with that much stamina. Ladies, one at a time please.

Forcing everyone to stop watching porn is as stupid as thinking it's possible to force everyone to stop watching porn. I cannot imagine what a generation without porn would be like. Who would teach them anything about sex? It taught me everything I know.

I wouldn't want my son to grow up thinking he has the biggest penis in the world. The insecurity that porn brings in me has made me a humble man - an attribute all girls adore about me. I'd also like my son to realize one day, like I did, that women in real life are the exact opposite of the women in porn. I'd want my son to know that there are no women in his area trying to hook up with him, and that all the penis enlargement ads are fake too.

Now penis enlargement is interesting. We're all tired of douchebags who run away with all the women in the world. I blame them for everything that's wrong on this planet. All I'm saying is, the size of the penis should be proportional to one's IQ. That way, people will work not only harder, but also smarter. Genius Porn will be invented featuring all the innovators, artists, musicians, writers, scientists etc. Pornography will not only be for the eyes, but also for the minds. That is the world I want to live in.

Ladies, worry not. I've thought up of something for you too. Tired of small boobs? Want a break from guys hitting on you all the time? Need to stay pissed and cranky for 9 months? Eat as much as you want? Want someone to take care of you all the time? No, I'm not asking you to have a baby. This is better. This is Air Pregnancy. A revolution has started. A break-through (your vagina). Get pregnant with air, not have a baby to worry about, find out who loves you for you, have people take care of you, get fake compliments. The world is in your hands. You might stay fat for 9 months, but it will be worth it. And what after 9 months? Nothing. You just let it all out and empty your stomach or wherever you hold all the air in. The best part? The size of your boobs increases.

Should I write a book on everything or not? I really want to. Don't think I can but what the hell. Opinions? Comments?

Why no one wants to have my babies..

2011-12-06T22:38:00.000+05:00

Since Blogger's a bitch, I didn't upload the pictures here. Screws up everything.

CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT WHY NO ONE WILL EVER WANT TO MARRY ME.

A shoulder to cry on..

2011-12-05T00:27:00.000+05:00

Feed Me Lies; Feed Me KFC

2011-11-12T21:42:00.000+05:00

I might be slow, but I figured out all the times my mom lied to me. It occured to me a few months ago.

Remember when you were young, tiny, and stupid, and at a family gathering you'd ask your mom if you could go to KFC with your cousins. Your mom would turn to someone else, another elder, and ask in a very sarcastic tone, "KFC is closed on Saturdays, haina baji?" And your mom's partner in crime would say, "Ji, not only on Saturdays, but on Sundays as well."

Not only did it make me believe there are no restaurants open on weekends, but my mom also managed to make someone else lie on her behalf so I could never doubt her or question her. Clever.

So if you're an 8 year old reading my blog, tell your mom you'd like a Zinger today.

Adventures of Manboy V

2011-10-22T23:57:00.000+05:00

More Manboy adventures here.

Story of my life.

2011-10-16T01:34:00.000+05:00

It's time for a change.

2011-09-26T00:22:00.001+05:00

You'll learn to understand pain.

Your Worst Nightmare

2011-09-22T00:49:00.000+05:00

Ever wondered what it would be like waking up as a random guy one day? I have. I think it would be gross. Contrary to popular belief, using his toothbrush on his(my) teeth would be the least disgusting.

You know how every guy's ego is in his pants. That's what I'd do first: Compare. The result would change how I view the person forever. See, all men lie about the size and they use the formula: (actual length in inches) + (rounding up an inch) + (human error [incorrect viewing angle usually adds another inch]) + (another inch because of wrong measurement technique). Here's a formula for a good estimate: 6 inches.

I've also thought about how awkward self-pleasure would be. It'd be like giving a hand-job to a total stranger. Also, using the toilet and wiping someone else's ass? And then realizing how uncomfortable your(his) tongue is in your(his) mouth.

But why think about waking up as a guy when I can totally fantasize about waking up as Katy Perry in bed with Lady Gaga. That would be awesome.

Making Love the Reason

2011-09-18T19:00:00.001+05:00

I'm 19, male, sexy, a traveler, a reader, a writer, a player, a student of life, a charmer, good in bed, and mature. And because of my amazing personality and sex appeal, I have always been a heart-breaker. Yes, I'm Stone Cold Steve Abdullah.

There is a sad truth, however: My heart's been broken too many times. I still remember how my first crush turned me down everyday whenever I asked her if she wanted to play with me. I was 4 years old then. So much pain at such an early age.

I've been in a lot of relationships since then. It's like being an animal in a zoo. The zoo-keeper traps you in a cage and expects you to live like you would in the jungle. Your natural habitat is taken away from you. Instead, you're given an augmented reality - a fake world like the Matrix. The zoo-keeper presents to you an environment which seemingly has everything you want and need. Grass, lack of space to run around, trees to climb, food you don't have to hunt, and pity sex(rarely). Gradually, this new lifestyle grows on you and you get used to it. From a wild lion, you turn into an adorable kitten. Just when you think you're doing everything the zoo-keeper wants you to do, you hear the complaint: "You're just not the same anymore."

It is true. You're not. What you've become is an animal no one visits the zoo to see. It's not enirely your fault, but you're blamed for it.

I think I've had it. Relationships aren't for me. I'd rather be in one of those national parks! You know, the wild animals you see in Africa on Discovery, running around like retards. That's a good relationship. But for now, I'll stay single and not ready to mingle.

Vote for Change

2011-08-24T22:50:00.000+05:00

We're sick of all the politicians and the lies they feed us. It's time to stand up and vote for someone gifted, talented, sexy, amazing in bed, and awesome.

Someone with a talent that sets him apart.

For the 2013 presidential elections, you know who to vote for.

A Nation in Safe Hands - A Nation in Abdullah Tariq's Hands

To learn more about what makes Abdullah Tariq so amazing, click here. An interview has never been this intense.

Cheer someone up today!

2011-08-21T01:02:00.014+05:00

Don't you hate it when you're sad, someone keeps asking you what's wrong, and just when you tell them your problem, they start talking about something that happened with them?

Doesn't really help at all. Not one bit. But then sometimes we really don't know what to say.

The next time you see someone sad, help them keep their chin up by doing this:

Problem solved.
You're welcome.

How to save yourself from bleeding to death.

2011-08-15T21:06:00.002+05:00

If you're a guy and you've injured yourself so badly you might not live, start touching yourself in a very sexual manner. This will cause an erection. The blood will start flowing towards the penis and away from the wound. Hence, the bleeding will stop and you'll feel good. As long as you don't get help, try to keep yourself aroused.

Keep in mind:

A premature ejaculation in this scenario will get you killed.
The amount of blood pulled is directly proportional to the size of the penis. This is a situation where the size does matter.

If you're a girl, use a tampon.

Share this around; it might save a life one day.

How gangster are you?

2011-08-11T00:36:00.000+05:00

For the love of God

2011-08-05T16:29:00.001+05:00

I'm a guy! This is what I look like.

Here's a random comic for you people:

Since blogger screws up almost all the pictures, I upload them here. Don't forget to check the rest of the comics.

what we need. what we have.

2011-08-03T17:04:00.000+05:00

Last but not least..

P.S. Changed the comment-system thing. Now you can use your Facebook/Twitter/Google to comment! It'll make stalking easier for me.

Pornography 101 - Behind the Scenes

2011-07-27T03:36:00.000+05:00

Porn. And the first word that pops up when I say it is.. Nothing. If I wanted to think of words, I'd have started reading erotica. However, something DOES pop-up, if you know what I mean.

You're all perverts, by the way. It's not just me.

I was 13 or 14 when I found out about this amazing phenomenon. Back then, it was more like, "What's that?! Is that a.. Is he.. What's she.. How did.. What the.. Wow.. Those must be fake!" That's how it starts for everyone. Then it develops into a habit and we all end up saving some of it in the deepest corners of our C drive on the PC. Not open about it till now, but then the stage comes when we all start discussing it. It's an important part of our life now.

However, there are a lot of misconceptions about porn. Women, especially women, think that porn teaches us a lot about sex. If it did.. Well, hookers would be giving us our money back, keeping the wife in the kitchen would not be a problem, the ugliest and the fattest and the hairiest and the loneliest man who spends hours on the internet would not be a virgin, there would be less fighting in the world, women would be great drivers, men would not have to fight their sex rights etc.

Truth is, porn is a man's filthy fantasy in which everything he does pleases the woman/women. There is no way that can be achieved. Men who can are taken away by scientists/police/government and locked away for research. Porn is not close to reality AT ALL and it does NOT teach us men ANYTHING.

Before I clear out the next misconception, I want you to know that I'm one of the most perverted (maybe the most perverted) Pakistani blogger. My opinion on such a topic should not be challenged, not because I can easily whoop your ass, but because I don't like arguing - it makes my stomach tickle.

Women, especially women, think that men love pornography and cannot live without it. True on the "cannot live without it" part only. Porn is one of the most disgusting inventions of mankind. It makes me want to throw up. If you're a guy and you're surprised by what I just said, keep watching it after the "session" is over. Enough said. It might satisfy you, but it leaves you with guilt. We're with you women on how repulsive it is!

There's also this issue of how pornography objectifies women. I don't care about it. Men are objectified when we work our asses off 9-5 and turn into an ATM machines. Quit complaining.

Pornography as a career is something I've pondered over a lot. All you guys must have too. True, it's exciting and a big wild fantasy. One of the biggest advantages: You can show up naked every day and no one will question you or think you're too poor to buy clothes. You won't have to change!

However, there are a lot of problems. Firstly, it's the least productive job. In fact, you're paid to be unproductive. Secondly, pornography will destroy your ego, and it's not because of the how you lose self-respect (that is all crap). How can a male pornstar sleep at night knowing his female partner faked almost all the orgasms when she was with him? Massive penis, but who's feeling insecure now, bitch? And how can a female pornstar sleep peacefully at night knowing she was unable to make her male partner orgasm even after half an hour and trying almost every position? You're certainly not that sexy anymore, are you?

While we need pornography to function properly and let out our frustration, it shouldn't be worshipped; it's not real. Women are much much more beautiful than that and men actually work really hard to please women. Ladies, let a guy love you for what you have: Boobs. We're programmed that way. Guys, it's impolite to stare like that.

something you readers should read

2011-07-25T01:52:00.000+05:00

I started blogging 3 years ago. Back then, I'd only get 20-30 visits per week. It was like that for almost a year and a half, till I started writing about everything perverted after which I'd get more than a hundred visits a week.

Today, though, the average number of page-views I get in one day is 100+ (200+, if I post regularly), and 400+ the day I post. The average I get in a week is 1500+. Thank you, everyone.

However, bragging's not the point of this post. And I take my thank you back. Really. These figures mean nothing to me if no one ever comments. What annoys me is that out of 400+ views on one post, only 20-30 will "like" it, and even fewer (10-15, if I'm lucky) will comment (which I actually appreciate). But where do the rest go?

Still don't get it? Let me explain.

All this is pretty much like this: Once a week, I have a stand-up comedy routine for which I make notes and acts and jokes and it takes up hours to compile everything. I think people like my show by the number that shows up every time I go on stage. But that's just the number, 'cause in fact this is how my audience looks like to me:

Unresponsive. Bored. Hungry. Horny.
Everything except amused.

Except for a few people who laugh sometimes, no one responds. They don't disapprove or agree with anything. And when the number of people who keep turning up increases, I can't tell whether they like it or not. It's really confusing and makes me feel under-appreciated.

I hope that clears it. I do want you to read and comment. Feedback is appreciated. Or is it because I'm too intimidating? Don't be afraid. I often confuse that word with "intimate" and it's not fun when I do that.

the better half - how to choose wisely

2011-07-21T23:47:00.000+05:00

Picking the "better half" in a relationship is one of the most difficult decisions when a relationship is started. The need usually arises when one wants to introduce his/her partner to someone else. Choose wisely, for one will always be the "better half" and the second will be the "significant other" - which doesn't mean anything at all. Here's a small guide on how to clear the confusion:

Here's a picture of your usual couple in love with each other.

This is where all the love comes from: The heart.

Here's the obvious difference.

There! That wasn't so hard now, was it?

a few inches can change your life

2011-07-13T20:09:00.000+05:00

Recently, I attached a 60 inch widescreen to my laptop. Changed my life, and gave me a lot of confidence. Porn does not make me feel insecure anymore! Here's a picture:

This is me typing one line on MS Word.
I have a killer pout. Jealous, ladies?

Wanna go back to my place, and see how big my King Dong looks on screen?

...watching two Chinese play Table Tennis.

My First Week at University

2011-07-09T17:16:00.000+05:00

P.S. Wrote this last year. Not good at all.

After thirteen years of studying in one school, you pretty much look forward to anything different. But getting into this university seemed very sudden: Getting admission just two weeks before the classes started. I had no time to panic or buy my back-to-school stationery and before I knew it, the university had started.

I had no problem with the professors or their methods of teaching. Though I had a problem with all the classes: The temperature of each one was different. They had all the four seasons, and temperatures varied from I-can't-feel-my-fingers and I-can-smell-your-sweat-from-across-the-room. This was the least of my problems, however. What bothered me the most was my bladder. By the end of the first day, I didn't know if I wanted to go to the bathroom or not.

Another thing I was pretty excited about was the ragging on the first day. Even though I knew the seniors would make it hell for us, I was looking forward to it. No school teaches you strategies for times like these. Luckily, for me, I had watched too many war movies and I made "Stay Low and Be Quiet" my motto for the day. This luck lasted with me for the first day only, for the next day, a few seniors ganged up on me and I was made to perform an inappropriate dance in front of the whole BBA section. Still, this wasn't as bad as the friend who had to complete a task that questioned his sexual orientation, or as bad as the guy who got ragged nine times on the first day.

I won't lie; the chicks are hot. For that, I came prepared. I brought with me a box full of pens (with my number engraved on them, of course) thinking maybe, just maybe, a few girls won't have brought their own or I'll steal a few from them. My plan backfired when the guys started asking me if they could borrow a pen. It made me sad.

This, and much more, happened during the first week. It was fun, exciting, and very hard to stay awake during classes. And by the end of the week, I had no pen, contact numbers of twenty guys in my class, a dysfunctional bladder, and dark circles under my eyes. But at least I get to say "Yes, man! Scene on hai."

Women for Dummies; Dummies for Women

2011-06-27T19:55:00.007+05:00

With great commitments come great responsibilites. One of them is the whole issue of listening. When I say "issue of listening," you know this is for men since it's in their job description. There's a problem of perspective, though; we usually forget how important this is for women. Allow me to explain.

Men can't live without porn. It is a need. Similarly, a woman needs to vent out. Research shows that the female ranting is equivalent to the male ejaculation. They're emotionally horny; that is why they feel good afterward whether the guy listens or not. Just like how a man feels after he's done the deed and has had an orgasm, whether his manhood was the star of the porn or not.

The satisfaction of letting it all out is all in the head, and it's the same for both men and women. Men just need to realize that it is important for women too, and it is their responsibility to help them. What do men want in return? Just quit complaining about our porn addiction.

The 10 Minute Guide To Your Dream Girl by Abdullah Tariq

2011-06-09T01:54:00.000+05:00

Read it HERE.
I'm too lazy to write it all here all over again.

what would drugs do to me?

2011-05-14T16:09:00.000+05:00

Sometimes I wish I could smoke something up, get high and write some random random shit. You know, that kind of shit they read out loud in movies and it turns some random girl's life around. It always goes something like, "nonetheless, however, I wish to hereafter, therefore, facade, books and love, nevertheless fuck streetlights, boobs. Sincerely, your once upon a time." and the chick starts wondering how much sense it makes.

Anyway, I was wondering how cool it would be if I did drugs. My doodles would turn into something like this:

That guy looks like me.
Click on the image.

Which brings me to my next point: My Libido. I don't think I've ever come across anyone who's as horny as I am. I think, I was experimented on as a child. I have some extra hormonal glands or something. But it's not my fault, you see. I blame my ex for all this. She held my libido hostage for SO long.
I get so turned on now, I could light up a few cities.

bro tip on how to treat a girl

2011-05-10T23:15:00.000+05:00

The WRONG way to compliment a chick:

The RIGHT way to compliment a chick:

Birth of Inception - Guest Post by Christopher Nolan

2011-04-14T23:10:00.000+05:00

People ask me what inspired me to make this movie. Here's the story about the boy who got me thinking:
Almost a decade ago, I met this young fellow, Abdullah Tariq. Tall, dark, handsome, rugged, manly, and sexy he was:

He was no ordinary boy, for sure. He was the first person in the world to ever perform Inception. All he did was sleep with a girl and plant his seed in her, and voila! Inception was created:

He planted happiness in her.

Since it's impossible to stay away from the state of Inception and the wonders the boy did, he made a lot of friends with benefits. These benefits included healthcare, financial support, car insurance etc.
You might be wondering if he gave me the seed for Inception as well. Meheh..It's for me to know, and for you to not get in my head.

body found in lake. police describe the scene as "fishy"

2011-04-02T23:34:00.000+05:00

I've thought of the ultimate April Fool's prank (I know I'm late..There's always next year).

1. Have a child.

2. Celebrate his/her birthday on the 1st of April,

3. Break it to him/her after 20 years, on April Fool's day.

4. Have a great laugh about it.

Here's my display picture on Facebook. I'm getting posters printed (signed as well, for the ladies).

i'll protect you like a condom

2011-03-28T23:28:00.000+05:00

I made this poll on Facebook a few days ago:

It proves that no matter what the problem/question, boobs are always the solution.
Anyway, I recently got into this whole underwear designing business. Here are some of my ideas:

I also have a design for panties/thongs for women who don't want attention(also repulse perverts) while they're out there, running in bikinis on the streets. It's a picture of a penis printed on the fabric. I'm a genius!

FAQs

2011-03-21T00:06:00.002+05:00

"What's up?" or "How was your weekend?" or "What do you do?" is one of the most FAQ. So here it is, my Sunday routine:

I take out my ride and drive around the town with my homeboy, Talha.

I don't stop at traffic signals, bitch. I own the streets.

I only slowed my car down from 140km/h (I'm not lying. Click on image to enlarge) to 120km/h so I could drive around that Suzuki Mehran.

Then I stop around in the streets and take pictures with my fans.

The end.

And Sidra Reza is cool.

Need a change? Start thinking differently.

2011-03-08T20:32:00.000+05:00

The threat of terrorism is now a global issue. Its claws have grasped every nation, especially Pakistan. On one hand, summits and peace-talks are taking place between countries. On the other, however, there is a global war on terror. Ironic, I say. Killing and bombing for peace just doesn't add up.

Solutions are proposed everyday on many platforms. Failed solutions, in fact. The problem is that we are not thinking correctly. We are not thinking outside the box to overcome this threat. Or in better words, we are not thinking outside the bomb.

First proposed solution is that they start sellings guns/ammunition/bombs in the market. However, there's a catch to it. Just like everything else in the market, especially fuel, the government imposes a 200% tax on its price, doesn't sell it on weekends and increases its price every week. Anyone would think at least twice before wasting a bullet (since money > human life).

They say, "Guns don't kill people; bullets do." I agree with the statement 100%. It is exactly like one of my very own quotations: "Penises don't impregnate: sperm cells do." And how do we stop the sperm? We use protection. Why not do the same with guns?

No sane man/woman can resist the charm/beauty/boobs/charisma of Katy Perry/Anne Hathaway/Jessica Alba. It's impossible to look away when there are curves of such a heavenly being right in front of you. My suggestion? Keep a door-sized poster with you of your favourite actress/singer with you at all times and whenever there's a terrorist attack about to take place near you, pull it out. Epic distraction:

Ever heard of terrorists killing each other? Me neither. Why not? That's because they know it's one of them. Here's my plan: Start dressing up as a suicide bomber - wear shalwar kameez, black leather jacket, grow a beard (or a fake one), carry an AK-47, and have a bomb strapped around your waist. This would not only keep you safe, but will also show acceptance, because in the end, that is what we need - respect for differences.

Share this around because you never know; my solutions might work one day.

new tumblr blog

2011-03-06T17:58:00.000+05:00

I had to make a Tumblr blog for my comics.
Here it is: outsidetheboxers.tumblr.com

Suggestions? I'm a Tumblr-noob.

how newton actually discovered gravity

2011-03-03T23:13:00.001+05:00

I got my scanner today. I should start a blog for comics, no? Tumblr?

Suggestions, people!

Blog name suggestions too!

do you know what a PJ is?

2011-02-16T18:46:00.000+05:00

People ask, "Why does everyone celebrate love only on Valentine's Day? Why not on an ordinary day?"
I tell them I don't know about others but I try to make love everyday.
I got a car a few weeks ago. I'm going to get it pimped. I will not be discussing all the ideas here, I know you'll steal them. First of all, I'm going to install a spoiler on the bonnet. Ever wondered what Superman would be like with a spoiler on him?

I'll ask everyone to call them "bases" instead of "gears". I can only go 4th base when the road's clear. 5th base is a no-no since I'm a good driver. I don't know how all this is funny. I also intend to remove the speedometer and install a LCD instead. Though, I might get pulled over for over-speeding then.
"Son, do you know how fast you were..oh porn!"
It's a life-saver.
Speaking of porn, it has taught me a lot of things. Here's a list of some of them:
1) Women get turned on by everything.
2) They moan even when they're not doing anything .
3) Two chicks will always end up having sex if they're alone.
4) I have the world's smallest penis.
5) My librarian, neighbour, teacher etc, all want to have sex with me.
6) At the same time. I feel sorry for the cavemen who didn't have porn back then. However, I envy them at the same time. It is said that prehistoric man lived for centuries. And the average age of a woman having her last period, menopause, is 51. Today, the average man lives for only 67.2 years. Notice something? An average married man will only live in peace for only 16 years. On the other hand, prehistoric man lived in peace without a PMS-ing partner for centuries.
That does not mean they were happier. Since both genders had nothing to do all day, women stayed mad at their men. History tells us, the women suppressed men and took away their rights. The men had to take a stand and thus, they invented the kitchen.
After the invention of kitchen, men still had nothing to do. They spent their days and nights sitting. This caused their upper back thighs (ass) to fall asleep. To overcome this, they invented the alarm clock.
Here's a picture of my 6-pack.

Not photoshopped.

I'm starting a new doodle/comic series called "The World I Want to Live in." Pray my scanner starts working soon.

this valentine..

2011-02-14T00:08:00.000+05:00

Adventures of Manboy IV: Valentine Special

2011-02-09T21:55:00.000+05:00

Adventures of Manboy I
Adventures of Manboy IIa
Adventures of Manboy IIb
Adventures of Manboy III

how to make the best sandwich in the world

2011-01-22T11:51:00.000+05:00

It took me almost a year to come up with the best sandwich in the world. If you're a girl, make your guy the luckiest person in the world by fixing him one of these:

There's also a sandwich for the girls. Here's your filling:

The subtle lip-bite is so very sexy.

The sandwich is like..

P.S I had a great time making that sandwich on top.

copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research; copy from three, you pass the exam.

2011-01-12T21:01:00.000+05:00

What's the difference between a good wife and a bad wife?
Bad wife's diary:
I feel like having a day off. I feel misunderstood. I want that new White Green Crinkle Shiffon dress I saw today. If only he was a little more considerate..
Good wife's diary:
I made him a sandwich and read out his favorite Playboy article to him.

This is a picture of a pimp husband and a good wife. She's happy because she knows if she keeps her guy happy, she'll get a White Green Crinkle Shiffon dress.

My life's pretty peaceful and calm. Reason? I don't have a TV at home, which is good because there's no way I can watch the news now (I'm not living in denial). Had to get rid of the idiot-box because the media is nothing but lies, and feeds nothing but bullshit to everyone. Whenever there's a big incident, for example a bomb blast somewhere, this is what half the news is made up of:
A reporter is seen running around on the streets, going to people and asking them their views on the tragic incident.
Reporter: This has started happening a lot lately. What's your take on this?
Random Guy: It's gotten worse over the last few months and I believe...
Reporter: "Gotten worse," is the word on the streets. Back to you in the studio.

Reporter: Where were you when this incident took place? What were you doing?
Random Guy: Your mom.
Reporter: This tragedy.. You could say you saw this coming.
Random Guy: That's what she said.
Reporter: That's what my mother said, says this guy. Lets go back to the newsroom, for more updates.

What's the other half of the news made up of? It's made up of drunk politicians and stoned newscasters. Everyone's high as shit on those talkshows and makes stuff up. Kind of like this argument:
Politician 1 (making stuff up): The accusations against him are totally false. In 2009, when the All Parties Summit was held in Chitral, the minister stated that only there would be a decrease in taxes imposed on electricity, from 10% to 9.8%.
Politician 2 (from the opposition, has no clue since the first one's making stuff up): As far as I remember the bill was not passed, not until last month.
Host (butting in to not feel left out): Didn't that happen in..
And then for some reason one of the politicians throws a glass of water and they start fighting. At homes, we're busy making notes of their speeches, event lines, and then we write about them online. Only small people talk about other people.

Still not convinced that the television feeds nothing but crap? Here's one other point to ponder. Have you ever seen advertisements of pads for women? The advertisement shows a girl without Always and a friend recommends her to it. Suddenly her life's so much better and she's playing around, socializing, partying and getting A grades. I'd marry a girl if she were that happy during that time of the month.
The reality: "Bitch, I don't wanna play and fuck you for being alive!"

The whole backbite-the-world is at its peak during that time. And all you hear on the phone are complaints. It's a fact that Graham Bell's wife and mother were both deaf. Probably why he had no idea of the consequences - the wrath it would bring later on when women started using the telephone.

Here's another fact: Only 1 out of 20 babies are delivered on the dates predicted by doctors. So if you're reading this and you're not that one girl, you can expect a baby popping out anytime (doesn't matter if you're pregnant or not).

I've always wondered why bra sizes in capital letters. Who gets the small lettered ones? Then I saw a midget..

Yeah, by now you must have realized what a big loser I am. I'm so virgin, unprotected sex for me is watching porn without an antivirus.

image source wtfmetro.com

sex is not the answer. it is the question. "male" is the answer.

2011-01-09T04:57:00.004+05:00

I had a pretty funny teacher back in the 10th grade. One day, while writing something on the board I was too bored to pay attention to, he suddenly turned towards us and said, "You know what I don't like about the internet? It's those pop-ups with nudity and obscenity.. Boys, you know what I'm talking about." We were all uhhh.. And the girls were all uhhh.. I wondered what kind of websites he visited (I already knew, but wondered about them anyway).

Since I'm a regular visitor of such websites, I get those pop-ups a lot. They have pictures of women who are NOT Pakistani, with text written underneath like they ARE from Pakistan. There'd be a picture of a half-naked African-American and she'd be saying, "Looks like I'm your neighbour in ISLAMABAD. Come over and have fun with me." Or if my ISP gives the IP address of some other city, it would be DERA GHAZI KHAN or CHATTA BAKHTAWAR (all in capital letters). And even though I know there aren't a lot of African-American, or any foreigner for that matter in Pakistan, who want a desi man for the night, I still click on those ads because you never know! They give me hope (I've posted this on givesmehope.com too; for some reason, it didn't get approved).

And I make an account there, and message all the girls I can find. And that's where the racism kicks in. And it's not only limited to these dating websites. It's everywhere. IRC/onling gaming/Facebook/Twitter etc etc. Most of the time, it's stupid. A perfect example is this: "You paki turban-wearing, chicken-eating, slit-eyed bastard!" There's nothing related to the Paki stereotype there. That's an Arab, an African-American, and an Asian (Japanese/Chinese etc).

So what is the Pakistani stereotype? We're brown and we blow ourselves (pun intended (I've never used "pun intended" before), 'cause everyone of us is always right about everything). Our national dress is shalwar, kameez, and a suicide jacket with Viagra bombs. That's where we get all the libido from, and that's why all the members (male and female) on the dating sites are Pakistani men.

P.s I made the page for posts like this one, since I won't be able to post it on my profile page. You know, elders. And yes, there is a maturity warning now.

save your marriage - tips from the world's most eligible bachelor

2011-01-02T20:58:00.006+05:00

People ask me what I do in my spare time. And by people, I mean nobody. I give free marriage advice to people. And by people, I mean all the girls in the world.

One of the major problems couples face is boredom. Millions of wives from around the world email/mail/call/text/scream/tell me how they wish I was their husband. It makes me sad too. Boredom is not curable, but there is a treatment (reminds of herpes). Women complain their husbands aren't exciting anymore.

To the newly wedded couples, follow my advice so you won't have to face this problem. If you're a guy: A day or two after your wedding, lock away your wife in

a room with everything they could ever need and want(read kitchen). And then after a 8-10 years, let them out. Just like that. If you're a girl: Let your husband lock you in a room with everything they could ever need and want(read kitchen). After 8-10 years, ask them (politely) to let you out. And then you two start partying, dining out, going on long drives, having sex twenty times a day. Not only would she want to do all this, she'd be relatively VERY happy too. She'll thank you for whatever you do.

For older couples, you too can save your marriage and make it exciting. What women complain about is their boring sex life (same routine/positions/not with me). Men, in their mid-thirties/forties/fifties/.. are glad their libido's pretty dead and it doesn't pop up randomly for no reason. Because right now it's like, "Is that a scent of a girl?" or, "That wall looks like a giant breast." or, "Aeroplane!" and there it is - launch sequence has been activated. Older men are just glad it's all over now, and for once have started thinking using their brain. On the other hand, women go crazy like they just hit a boy's puberty.

Here's the solution: Open the newspaper, and roleplay job openings.

Be a pilot

or a bakery manager!

Both are impotent.

You're welcome.

And no, "Police looking for serial killer" is not a job opening.

i think, therefore i'm not

2010-12-21T15:17:00.002+05:00

Children have the ability to think about nothing at all. No matter what we do or say, their minds stay blank.

You could go all aww..

..or all German physicist on them.

Women grow out of it. On the other hand, we try to keep in touch with our 'nothing' as much as we can. 'Nothing' is what we think about when we spend hours and hours in toilet, staring at a broken tile. It is what we wonder about when we're with our wives/girlfriends. And in hard times, this is what happens:

I smile like that.

'Nothing' stops us from reacting or responding, and encourages us not to think. Thereby, protecting us from shattering the delicate harmony and balance of the ecosystem that is the relationship.

There is a myth that men think about sex every 7 seconds. And this often comes in the way of my 'nothing' time. Someone has to keep the myth alive, no?

when life gives you lemons, boobs

2010-12-04T00:24:00.003+05:00

This happens almost every time I go to pick someone up from the airport. There's always someone there, who points towards a plane and goes like, "They must be in that plane!"

People ask me why am I the way I am. Here's what the boys world looks like. Everything is to be taken in the wrong sense, from hellos to goodbyes, and everything in between. Here's an example:

Literal translation:

Kaisa hai?: How's it?

Bohot bara: It's huge.

This one time a few years ago, a friend and I got kicked out of Physics class. She was giving us a lecture on Gold Leaf Electroscope and how 'when a like charge passes through the circuit, the gold leaf stands erect.' It made me laugh so hard, I almost fell off the chair.

I could go on and on about my perversion, but that would just annoy you.

I got a haircut recently. I look like a peeled potatoe with an overgrown nose.

And hello to my new best friend.

P.S. Me now:

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

2010-11-20T17:10:00.003+05:00

(Impotent. lol)

After years of research, I've come up with a way to have a baby within a day. It all depends on the condition of the fetus. Before the intercourse, punch the girl's abdomen. That way, when the sperm enters her body, it'll be like "NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE A.S.A.P" and voila! A baby in less than a day.

You all know about the Chinese Finger Trap, right? I've come up with two more super amazing traps. Chinese Penis Trap and the Chinese Umbilical Cord Trap. Fun fun fun!

I'm creepy and perverted, and I love boobs too much. That does not mean I don't respect them. I do 'cause without boobs, women are just Justin Bieber.

MORE EPIC PERVERSION:

OMG! I WANNA KNOW!

And then I made this:

do you women know what the secret to a satisfying sex life is?

2010-11-14T15:49:00.007+05:00

Me.

Here's one of the fun facts you'd like to know about me, and something else.. The key is the same as the one I used here.

OMG! I WANNA KNOW!

Anyway, I've been shit busy for the last few weeks and I'll be shit busy for the next few weeks as well. I have to make a game, Snake, and so far, all I've done is this:

Whenever I pull on my boxers, they become touchsensitive.

so fly like my zipper

2010-10-28T22:55:00.001+05:00

A problem most freshies face when they enter university is prioritizing their relationships. This is what guys should follow:
Family>Kindergarten friends>Junior School Friends>High School Friends>University Friends>Job mates>Neighbours>Strangers>Girlfriend>Wife
This one's for girls:
Me>Husband>Boyfriend>Everyone else.

A few days ago, it occurred to me that throwing a party doesn't necessarily make you popular. It depends on the nature of the party too. There's a huge difference between "party at my place" and "party in my pants." Keeping that in mind, I came up with a plan to combine them both. I'm opening up a restaurant, "Abdullah's Pants". All the girls will party in Abdullah's Pants!

I wish I could get work for the UN. Attend conferences, summits, and shizz. I'd change the world by passing awesome resolutions! I'll make them construct a huge nipple on the North Pole. The earth will look like a giant breast from outer space. And another on the Moon. And when they're perfectly aligned, the universe will witness Major Boobage.

It was my birthday last week (happy birthday to me), and I realized today how cute I am:

post of the month.. really

2010-10-14T20:40:00.003+05:00

I might get a car by the end of this year. When I do, I'll replace the airbags with airboobs. Then I'll go crash my car everywhere.

My birthday's next Thursday. I'll wear a suit and spend the day alone with three or four cakes around me.

I've also come up with the idea of Fortunate Cookies. They're like Fortune Cookies but with my contact number in them.

The Welcome party was last week. It was okay. Before the party I'd come up with a few more ideas. Go naked, take a paintbrush with me and be a human canvas or as a sexy nurse or as a hot secretary. But in the end, I dressed up as:

BABY SPIDERMAN

I even won the Lord of the Night title thing. True story. At the function, I was walking around with a pacifier in my mouth when a random girl shouted. "I wanna suck a nipple too!" I looked at her all WTF.

Here's a sideview of me. See now, how curvy I am?

busy busy busy

2010-09-26T23:22:00.000+05:00

My university started almost 7 weeks ago. I've been pretty busy with that. I won't be blogging much anymore now. Don't get the time to. Sad.

Anyway, the sophmores are throwing us freshies a welcome party next month. And the theme is Halloween. I've come up with a few ideas. One of them is my all time favourite: Dress as a suicide bomber. Or I could go as naked Medusa. There will be only one snake and it won't be on my head, if you know what I mean. I could also go as Justin Beiber. That's pretty scary. Or as the Boobiemonster, and fondle every girl. Or I could dress up as every girl's nightmare - a fatty burger. I could dress up as a huge condom, or just cover my head with one. That way, I'll be a dickhead (read the President). Or I could be someone from LotR: draw an eye on my penis and I'll be the Eye of Sauron. I could also go as the Leaning Tower of Pisa, if you know what I mean.

Be back in a while now!

nobody takes my jokes seriously

2010-08-22T15:09:00.005+05:00

My first times, my ginites, revolve around weird stuff.

I was 3 years old when I first saw a naked woman - my friend's mom. It happened in the changing room of a swimming pool and I was like:

I was wearing speedos. Pfft.

I started watching porn 7 years ago. I don't remember my first picture or my first video. However, I do remember how I used to watch porn. I'd go to a gallery, right click on the thumbnails, set the picture as my desktop background, and stare at the pixelated square nipples. I never really got why they censored most of the boobs with stars. I don't go like, "Is there a clock behind that star?"
Anyway, because of the whole background image thing, my brother caught me watching porn. He was asleep behind me, I switched on the PC and then the monitor, logged in and then I realized, I had forgotten to change the background the night before. It was too late. My brother noticed. "What the hell?" he asked. I switched off the monitor, screamed, "IT'S A VIRUS!" and ran away.
We were discussing this incident, a few days ago. He told me mom almost caught him because of me.

And in case you're wondering, I've always been a pervert. I was 3 or 4 years old when I first touched a woman. We were at a supermarket and she was standing in line in front of me, wearing a knee-length skirt. I stood behind there for a while and then started feeling up her legs. I was just checking if they went all the way up.

When I have my first baby, I'll go to the hospital administration and say "But McDonalds doesn't charge you for delivery.." Then, they might not ask me for money.
I know everything about business.

protected post: how big is my manhood?

2010-08-06T19:47:00.002+05:00

Uh. Yes. The title. Which is why I've password protected it. No one under 18 is allowed to read it.

This is the only funny thing I've ever written.

OMG! I WANNA KNOW!

For the password, email me: abdullahtariq91@gmail.com
Or message me on Facebook or Twitter.

if it was "boobs" instead of "books", i'd be at the library all day long

2010-07-29T23:32:00.003+05:00

When I get married and have a child and when he's grown up, I'm going to be real nice to one of his friends. Invite him every week, give him presents, buy him a Playstation, empty a room in the house for him with TV and all that, get him a car, and pay his tuition fee. I'll be nicer to him than his own parents. Just to scar him for life.

And I'm going to have just one answer for all my children, no matter what the question is:

I'm also going to teach my kids the wrong words. Like "tits" instead of "this". Trips to the supermarket would be fun.. my toddlerbaby, pointing towards candy, screaming, "I WANT TITS!"

And then I'll teach them "fuck" instead of "luck" so when they send cards out, they'll be like "Good fuck for the exams!" and "Screw-ups happen. Better fuck next time."

spoiler alert: i get hotter

2010-07-20T19:39:00.005+05:00

I've put a lot of thought into this: I'm going to be a condom designer.

Keeping the whole electricity issue in mind, I designed a tubelight one, complete with a starter and the circuit board. So when the lights go out you could go "wait a minute..." and voila! I could light up a whole city like this.

Then there's also one which has "This Side Up" written on it. And I'm sure they've already made light-saber ones.

I had an entrance test on Sunday and there was a compreshension. It was about how we ignore life's magic moments and how we should embrace the child within, love it, hear it out and please it. Seemed like Michael Jackson had written the passage.

Went to my friend's place after the test. There were four of us and if any one of us fell asleep, we'd pull his nipples. "Guess the colour of my nipples" would be an interesting game, no?

Statistics show that one in every 100 American is in jail and one in every 5 children is born in China. So, if you're living in America, don't have more than 99 kids: You're 100th kid will be born behind bars in China.

I bought a ring a few days ago:

Meet King Kong

His brother lives in my pants. I call him King Dong.

i not only make every girl's day, i make their nights too

2010-07-12T02:47:00.004+05:00

I wasn't home last week. I was up North, doing this:

I don't understand why people knock when you're in the bathroom. Do they expect me to open the door and invite them in for tea?

There was this kid there who was trying to pluck an apple from a tree. I helped him but his cousin took the apple away from him. He fell down to the ground and started crying so I kicked him in the nuts. True story.

Use this to cure diarrhea and stop your ass from sliding down a steep slope.

Heartbreak is like a sneeze: you let go of love for a while and your heart stops beating for a few microseconds.
For more emo awesome quotes by me, visit my other blog. dustinthesky.wordpress.com It's gloomy. Truth is, I'm a very sad person. So depressed, whenever someone tells me to think positive, I think HIV.

And then I yawned.

Oh and I almost forgot. I started a new campaign:

Free Babies.

"I'm like white blood cells: No need for protection. No glovin' while lovin'"

so mature, i'm like, who's your granddaddy?

2010-07-02T22:48:00.007+05:00

This is what happened to my Facebook profile, a few nights ago:

Yeah, it said all that. The names were flashing, and the profile picture won't change. Worst part is, I couldn't download the videos.
Did you know that 37% of the internet is porn? Well, now my Facebook contributes a small percentage to that number.

This is one of the funniest commercials I've seen in a while:

Adventures of Manboy III

2010-06-29T04:30:00.002+05:00

Adventures of Manboy I

Adventures of Manboy IIa

Adventures of Manboy IIb

two thongs do make it tight

2010-06-19T15:18:00.001+05:00

OnLY OnE..! and I came up with this great idea for Porn for Women. 40 minute's of porn from a woman's POV. In the first 10 minutes, the couple will read a book together, followed by 10 minutes of pillow talk, during which the guy will tell her how beautiful the girl is. After that, 10 minutes of cuddling and kissing. And in the last 10 minutes, they fall asleep. The end. And no techno music in the background!

And then I made this up:

Aladdin needs help. Who rubs a lamp and expects something to pop out of it? Eugh. Pervert.

you should be like the headlines - on top

2010-06-17T21:54:00.000+05:00

I watched Wrong Turn 3 two nights ago. Hell scary movie. A group of students make camp in a forest then suddenly they start running around randomly and there's a cannibal trying to catch them all. Fast forward 10 minutes, a group of prisoners and two police officers end up in the forest too. One of them is an Italian dude who has all the guns and beats people up for no reason. Fast forward 10 more minutes and they've shot the cannibal's son and chopped off his head. This is what happens for the next hour: They shoot the cannibal, slit his neck, axe his shoulder, impale him using huge block of wood through his heart (with the cannibal's son attatched), drive a meter long metal up his neck and out his forehead, and in the end, a car explodes and he's just lying there on the bonnet. Does he die? No. Oh and there's a lot of random Italian beating too. What a mindfuck movie.

That was a rant.

Vacations have started and I need to take care of my 38-26-36 figure. A few days ago, my friends and I went to a restaurant. I ordered diet water in a can. I should make this stuff. If people don't mind buying bottled water and carbonated coughsyrup i.e Red Bull, they'll buy this too. I'm gonna name it Bullshit.

my only constant is awesome

2010-06-11T13:24:00.001+05:00

Recently, I saw this on my Facebook homepage: Someone likes "What starts with P and ends with ORN? You guessed it right, POPCORN!" It made me throw up a little inside. Don't know about you, but it's PORN and YOU need help if inanimate objects turn you on. I don't know what you do when that happens. But one thing's for sure: I'm never going to watch a movie with you. I'm afraid you'll take all my popcorn when a love scene comes on.

Last night, SOMEONE(heart) linked me to this website, omegle.com, which lets you chat one-on-one anonymously. I met really interesting people there:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hi

You: asl?

You: i'm pakistan.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: You're a stranger. Are you a pedophile?

Stranger: lol

Stranger: no

You: how would i know?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: 21 m usa

Stranger: and u?

You: i'm from pakistan.

You: 18 f

Stranger: rly?

You: no i'm jk.

You: i'm m.

Stranger: oh shit,

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

you can't argue with me; i have a PhD in awesome

2010-06-04T21:12:00.000+05:00

There are a lot of jokes I don't get. One of them is the "that's what she said" joke. I go blank whenever my friends use it. So now, I shove it in anywhere I can and that's what she said.

You must have seen/read books written by guys like The 20 Volume Guide to The Only Way To Please Your Girl by Fag of the Year and What Women Want by Gay of the Millenium. No matter who you are, what type of guy you are, you're gonna have to follow these chick-rules because the thing is, girls like everything about you ONLY till the moment you ask them out or vice versa. After that, it's everything you're not. Girls have weird fantasies and imaginary friends which they name after their childhood crushes. Guys have imaginary friends too. We call them boobs.

You don't need a book to please your guy. Here's your ultimate guide on what guys do and what they mean: 1) If he hugs you, he wants you to skip the cuddling and sleep with him. 2) If he smiles at you, he wants you to make him a sandwich. 3) If he stares at your mouth, he wants you to stop talking. That is it.

You know how high school is about being cool, right? Wearing pants low was cool. My friend didn't get it and he wore his pants sky high. The type of pants-so-high you need a ladder to unzip. On the other hand, I had another friend who used to wear his pants too low. So low, that when he went to the bathroom to pee in the urinal, he only had to pull his shirt up.

sexy, ergo sum

2010-06-02T20:33:00.000+05:00

I was wondering how not cool the funny people are when compared with musicians. But then I realized, guitarists don't get laid when there's a campfire 'cause they have to sing all night long. So ha! In their faces.

I wanna do standup 'cause I'm tired of missionary. I can't think of more than 2 reasons why a girl would date a comedian. Because 1) of that famous "He makes me laugh!" and 2) see 1).

You know the date would just be a compilation of LOLjk moments:

You're late LOLjk I came here an hour early 'cause I didn't have anything else to do.

Sit here LOLjk that's my mom's seat.

No, she's not coming LOLjk.

Are you paying? LOLjk I'll ask my mom to.

I changed my blog title description thing. Tell me what you think about it.

blink, if you like me

2010-05-30T11:33:00.002+05:00

What did one Freudian Slip say to the other?

Penis.. I mean, hi.

Men lie a lot in relationships. They have to. One of the biggest is, "I understand." They don't. Women don't understand half of the stuff they're saying. They need to go all pseudo-intellectual on us just to feel smart. "Why is it that every time I endeavor to talk to you, all I get are vacuous conversations? The translucency of our talks bother me. Do you love me, or is this a simulacrum of your tenderness?" And I'll be like, "Baby, hold on a minute. Lemme get my dictionary." And I'll be googling the words, using the dictionary, going through the thesaurus. And then they expect us to give them answers straight away? So now you know what "I understand" means. We. Don't. Get. You. Period.

Sleep with me if I'm wrong, but 2 into 3 equals 5. Do the math and multiply with me.

This line keeps getting longer and longer.

sex is overrated LOLjk i'm awesome

2010-05-20T17:57:00.003+05:00

In the examination center, all the chicks are passing out before the paper starts. The stress lowers their immune system as well as their level of humor, and then they don't stop hyperventilating. I act like I'm the biggest nerd in the center, with the examination face and my serious look. So this is what I do to girls sitting around me:

that which does not kill me only makes me stronger

2010-05-16T02:07:00.003+05:00

That is true. My brothers, my cousin and my mother used to beat me a lot. I don't blame them, though; I was uber uber uber annoying.

My brothers would literally kick me out of the room. Would punch and twist my arms too. Once my brother kicked me between the legs - where it hurts the most.

After getting kicked out of the room, I'd go to my cousin and annoy her. Since I was all bones and a head at that time, I was pretty weak, so my cousin, who's 13 years older than me, would throw my cute bum in the bathroom and lock me inside.

I'm an epic slow person and that annoyed mom a LOT. she'd take off her rubber chappal and beat me up with it, and if I was a few feet away from her, she would throw it at me. The chappal would miss me most of the time and when that happened, her anger would multiply and she would take off her other rubber chappal, run towards me and by then I was all peeing-in-my-pants. But then, I figured I should get hit my the first rubber chappal to avoid more injuries. After that, I started diving in front of her throws and headbutt her chappal.

I know she's going to beat me a lot too. But you know, she knows, she's awesome. *draws heart* Aw.

rated R/parental guidance-18

2010-05-14T15:33:00.003+05:00

I dedicate this post to Smacula. He's my man.
Here are some of my pickup lines. Not very original, I know. But waeva, you know:

If you were my homework, I'd do you right away.
If I were you, I'd be asexual.
Is your last name Set Wet? 'Cause you're very very sexy.
You can blow me, 'cause you're the sexbomb.
Your sex is on fire, can I blow it out?
Is your last name Nike? 'Cause I'd just do you.

She: I'm going to bed.
Me: Alone?
This is one of those things I cannot resist saying.

I can't change my url; I lose all my comments. So now, just to avoid confusion and heartbreaks (of guys who hit on me thinking I'm a girl), I'll be posting a picture of myself randomly.

if archaelogy is the study of prehistoric people, what is analogy?

2010-05-07T23:08:00.000+05:00

The Great Depression of the 1930s happened because women found out I wasn't going to be born until the end of the century.

Poltergeists and ghosts are stupid. All they do is throw stuff around. If I ever turn into a ghost after I die, I'm going to punch guys where it hurts the most. "Dude! Your crotch is haunted. You need protection. Here's a condom."

Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman, luckier is the woman who is the love of Abdullah Tariq.

My motherboard died of old age last week, hence the delayed post. It's not like anyone missed me here. Sigh. I'm thinking of changing my blog url to abdullahtariq91.blogspot.com. People think I'm a girl. Sigh.

gravitation is not the reason for people falling in love.. i am

2010-04-23T19:57:00.003+05:00

I'm going to design condoms and write this on them:
Who's not your daddy?
Daddy's not home
Now you see me... They'll figure the rest out. "Now I see it.. Oh and now I don't. Hahaha. Good one."
Yeah, Imma ruin everything!

This blog needs a maturity warning, don't you think? Then everyone won't call me, the hot piece of ass that I am, cute.

Yesterday, I slipped and fell backwards. Had a minor concussion which caused deja vus and amnesia at the same time. So forgetting and remembering at the same time was shit confusing. I got a little worried how I'd remember all the chemistry for my exams, but then I thought "What exams?"

sandwich: best thing since sliced bread

2010-04-18T19:35:00.002+05:00

I was at a medicine store yesterday. I bought a bottle of lemonade and there was one guy standing in line before me. He was looking for condoms and asked the salesguy to show him the imported ones. After a while he asks the salesguy, "Which one's the best?"
Who on earth asks the salesperson's opinion on condoms?

The guy bought an imported box of 12 condoms, imported packet of mints, 2 imported chocolates of 60rs each and 2 chocolates of 5rs each. He was buying condoms like it was the first time he's getting laid, buying mints like they were.. well.. condoms. But wtf's up with the 5rs chocolates?
Dammit.

life's not about finding yourself. it's about finding me. true story.

2010-04-14T19:19:00.004+05:00

A few of my friends and I were superheroes a few months ago. I was FuckMan and my friend was TheLadiesMan. We solved problems everyday. A friend would come, "We have a class in half an hour." I'd say, "Fuck, man!" And TheLadiesMan would PMS and get cranky about it.

Just because I make fun of girls doesn't mean I have something against them. Though I'd like to have some of me up against them. *wink*

If there was a girl version of Superman, would it matter if her undies fell down?
Damn that undies-on-tights uniform.

when i was your age, i was as old as you are

2010-04-06T00:23:00.000+05:00

I was at this fast food place with my friend. Food there was so fast, it probably gets speeding tickets. Anyway, there was a BMS burger on the menu and BMS sounds a lot like PMS. And then we were like, a PMS burger has the following ingredients: anger, hatred, unreasonable arguments, sorrow, depression; and it's only served 4-7 days a month.

Sorry, my butt's on crack.

Men PMS too. -.-

i'm served hot cuz im a sexual appetizer!

2010-03-30T23:13:00.003+05:00

It's annoying when I wake up in the morning but my arm's still asleep. Do I need a separate alarm for you?

After the many conversations with my girl, I have concluded that I will never play connect-the-dots with any female. I have no idea how they relate one topic to another. This is how they play:

The other day, my friend and I went to Dunkin Donuts and we were like, "Can we have donuts, please?" And there were like two girls behind the counter and one of them was like cute and she had like a big smile on her face. But the other chick went like, "We don't have any donuts at the moment." And we were like, "Dude, it's 10 in the morning, HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE DONUTS IN THE MORNING?" Ironic, like MAN!
True story.

gay-gansta, gay-gangsta, gay-gangsta luv!

2010-03-29T01:15:00.003+05:00

One of the few lines my class uses excessively is "You're gay.":
Sorry, man. Can't come to your place today.
Why, you gay?

So I was making out with this girl..
You're so gay.

This post is about how not cute I am. I don't like the word and I don't like it when girls go all awww. It makes me nervous and I get scared. Thanks to all the girls, I developed a girlophobia. It stayed for two years. I am not making this up. But then I got over it. Yay. Point is, I'm not cute. Period.

I'm badass.

There is no such thing as the Loch Ness monster. That was just me swimming naked.
WAHAZAAAAAAAAA *multiple high fives*

why do men fall asleep? or something.

2010-03-24T01:01:00.004+05:00

Guys don't ask women why they sleep. Why do women overthink so much? We just close our eyes and hope we have happy dreams that night. Er.
Anyway. There are a lot of reasons why we fall asleep talking tou our significant other halves.
1) You're probably talking using a lot of girl terms.
2) You're probably talking about someone you yourself don't even know.
3) You're probably talking about how fat you look.
4) You're probably not talking about sex.

My friend told me he'd tell his girl he loves her after one year. I called him slow and thought it would be awesome if a guy just went like, "Wanna go out? I love you. Hey. Woah, weird cough."

dammit, jaan

2010-03-21T22:53:00.008+05:00

There's only one person I feel sorry for. You guessed it right: My girl. I'm 10 percent straight and 90 percent gay. I'm not bi; I give both my orientations a 100 percent. True story.

You should feel sorry for her too. I mean, why not? Of the 12 pages I've joined on Facebook, one of them is "I'm The Girl. You're The Boy. You Text Me First Or We Don't Talk Today." But do I ever text her first? No. I feel sorry for her because whenever we're having a serious talk, I fall asleep. It's hard to not be random all the time. So this means there are no intimate moments either. That's also the reason why I don't know anything about her. All I know is that she's studying something. I always have an excuse to not talk on the phone. And when we do talk, I blank out. Short attention span. I don't do it intentionally. I'm just weird like that. I should start thinking outside my boxers now.
I'm so not boyfriend material.

Duckling is happy and will be cracking lots of relationship jokes, now onwards.
This font is so bright, I can't see what I'm typing. Excuse my typos and my sex appeal.

fo' shizzle ma' nipple!

2010-03-19T00:16:00.001+05:00

Me to my physics teacher: So we use a Piezo-electric transducer?
My friend: What, penis?

(sh)it happens

2010-03-14T23:05:00.004+05:00

A few days ago, I got a call from my Internet Service Provider. The guy told me I had been using Federal Investigation Agency's account for the last two months. And I'm pretty sure some big boss there went like, "Who the heck's been watching porn here?"
And I'm sure a few guys went, "Busted!"

I lost my catfightginity a few days ago. I would have had made a video of it but I was scared since I was the only guy there. This one chick(who was walking with her guy) got uber possessive about her guy and went to beat the chick up(who was with her own guy). The two guys were just standing there with a nuhuhuh-ithinkihaveapenis-smile on their faces. So yeah, I was the only guy there who saw the whole thing. It was awesome, even though I was expecting some shirt-tearing and bra-pulling.
Two girls fighting and arguing against each other make other girls seem reasonable.

Earlier today, my 13 year old cousin asked my number. We were at a bazaar and, a few hours later, she messaged me, "Whu r u?" I read that as "Where are you?" So I replied, "Shoe area." A few seconds later, she texted back, "Whu da fuk r U?"
I was WTF for a while. But then, it's okay; she's only 13.

but mom..!

2010-03-07T22:07:00.001+05:00

You know what's one of the most confusing feelings of all times? When you're in public with your mom and she's mad at someone else. It's fun and shit scary at the same time.

I asked her to buy me a car. She told me to get one when I get a job. Said she'll increase my pocket money too after that.

I told her I'll find myself a girl, and tell her about it after getting married. She said, "In your dreams."

After taking a shower, I don't use a towel. And if I pull up a pair of pajamas and sit down, my bum-ular area gets wet. I told my mom about it and she said, "It's for the best."

handsome is like handful, only more

2010-03-03T23:42:00.002+05:00

One of the few things I wanna do before dying:

Visit some hospital's baby-delivery ward, pick random babies up and ask, "Who's your daddy?" Then walk up to random pregnant women and ask them, "Who's the mother?" And when the security comes to kick me out, I'll say, "My bad!"

I'm crap busy these days with studies. 've turned into this super sexy nerd.

wtf, static, cowbra, teeth, wtf (again), bowling, sex

2010-02-25T03:33:00.007+05:00

I've been shit busy the last couple of days. Screwed my entry test. I was sitting in between a wall and a pillar. My friend was sitting behind me. We were sitting in alphabetical order, so I was in the first line. Half an hour before the paper started, I kicked the chair of the guy sitting in front of me. He looked back and I asked him if his name was Abdullah too. He said, "This isn't my seat!" and walked away. I was like WTF man so I got up and shot him. True story.

The examination hall was a university cafeteria. Yes. They weren't letting us go take a dump. But if you shit in your pants, they don't have a choice but to take you there themselves. Their sound system sucked so the instructions before the paper were pretty much like, "WRITE YOUR KHHKKHKAKKKKHKAHHHHAKKK.. KHAHAH... TIME ALLOWEKHAHHAKK KKKHHZHHHAAHAKKKAKKHKHHKKHAHKK... HOMOSEXUALITY KKHHHKKKHHAKHHKK.." Too much static, man.

I text a LOT. I've added all the words in the T9 dictionary. Sometimes it screws up. Like once, I was texting my fat friend and wanted to write "brb" but thanks to the epic dictionary, it got sent as "bra"
Speaking of fat friends and bras, I wonder what cow bras would be like. Nvm

My dentist took off my braces on Tuesday. I don't smile like a pedophile anymore. Awesomeness, I know.

I look like a screwed up emoticon.

My friend and I sharing a WTF moment together. Bromance :heart:

I went bowling today and kicked butt. 109. 2nd time, baby. (Dodi's my nickname)

My nose looks uber huge in the first frame. Sex, nonetheless.

like bob the builder, I got a screwdriver in my pants!

2010-02-17T23:28:00.002+05:00

DAYEMN RIGHT!

I realized today that there's something else I don't like about girls. After adding me, they like to point out how many girls I have on my list. But when I tell them I like spending time with guys more and that sometimes, I be gay with them, they just 'eww' and 'you're disgusting' me. Pfft Facebook friends list.

Talking about the internet, I am an addict. I can't function properly without it. I don't watch porn (that's a joke right there) but when the phone-line gets messed up and the internet stops working, I freak out. And that's because I keep asking myself, "What if I need porn later on?" It drives me nuts!
Nuts. lol.

Don't eww me. Sexual frustrations do that. I don't want to be like the guy who molested me when I was 13 years old. It's a weird story. I was standing with my friends, talking about how Kurt Angle cried the previous night on TV when Stone Cold threw his belt in the river, when a guy walked up behind me and slid his hand down in my pants. Since I had not hit puberty till then, I wasn't "What the hell?!" It was more like "Stone Cold!". He was feeling around, making his hands comfortable in there. I turned around and looked up and he said the weirdest thing. He said, "Oh! I thought you were someone else." He was a 6-feet tall guy in his last year. And I thought, "How many 12 year old friends do you have?" It would be weird if people met like that.

I can't think of titles anymore. What I do now is I take the keywords from these paragraphs and just write them in the title box. I was going to go with "girls, porn, butt shakes" but that would just direct a lot of porn searchers to my blog and disappoint them. Can't let that happen. So heh.

valentine's day part - II (?) the i'm-such-a-guy

2010-02-13T03:05:00.004+05:00

I don't know what this post and the previous one have anything to do with Valentine's Day. But then, neither do you.

A few months ago, I went to a bookstore. I was going through these ancient books when I came across 'What Men Know About Women'. I opened the book; it was empty. Next to it, there was a book 'What Women Know About Men'. There was only one page in it with these words written on it: Food. Girls. Sleep. Poop. And I thought, hey I've said that before. I bought both of them.

The reason why I'm not relationship-material is because I never have answers. Well, the girls don't either. Questions like Why are you still watching that show? You know I don't like it! and She called me fat. Don't you love me anymore? .. Then they get cranky and bomb you with questions like some drone attacks. They go crazy with the questions, getting heated up. That's why I keep a fire extinguisher with me. You really need to chill out! And then I hit them with it.

They also hate us 'cause we think too much about girls. Girls make us guys. You know you're a guy when you don't know the difference between a shirt and a t-shirt, but you do know the difference between a push-up and a padded bra. It's our driving force. Women need caffeine and stuff, we need this. And I might change my blog title from 'Cogito, ergo sum' to 'Libido, ergo sum'

Even though I hit on everything that moves, I've only asked one girl out (directly). I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend, she didn't say anything and went offline. It was better than the perfect answer women have. Men have one too. Now, I just hide my motives and ask them out:

It never works out for me.

Will I be your valentine?

valentine's day part - I (?) yay

2010-02-11T05:01:00.004+05:00

Omg! Awesomest day of the year in a few days! Valentine's Day! I love the day because that is what it's all about, know'm sayin'?
Isn't it weird how it's always the single people that say stuff like, "Oh blegh! This is so overrated." They're those who don't feel awesome about being single. Boohoo.
I, on the other hand, feel awesome 'cause I am awesome. But it wasn't always like that. I was and still am really weird. It's hard for me to get a girl. Why?

1. When a girl first looks at me, the first thing she notices is my nose. It's blown out of proportion. It's so huge, you can see it from space. That's not all. It's super oily too. It's so oily, sometimes I get scared that the Americans might attack me for its oil.

2. I'm manorexic. I'm so thin, my mom can iron my clothes with me still in them. I have only 2 muscles (right forearm and right bicep). I have no fat. My stomach is as flat as a 1-pack. I'm 5'11" and my weight is only 60kgs and most of the mass is concentrated in my nose.

3. I do weird stuff. I say weird stuff. I stutter sometimes. I'm an embarrassment. In public places, I don't make any eye contact with girls. I always assume they're checking me out (hey, if girls can think like that then so can I). I don't look up. That way, I avoid the hey-can-I-have-your-number?-and-I'm-like-hey-what?. I get confused..which brings me to the next point.

4. I don't know anything. Gets me in trouble.

Bleh. Would you really date this guy:

soap, sex, shahrukh khan, facebook, 2012

2010-02-07T02:47:00.002+05:00

I was thinking about how the kitchen's filled with dirty tea mugs and what I'd do if I needed tea again, when it dawned on me what the words, "Necessity is the mother of all inventions" means. Maybe this is why they invented dishwashing soap: to clean dirty tea mugs.

We're super weird in school. A few days ago, two of my friends were fighting just because they were bored. Friend 1 had his arm around Friend 2's neck and was choking him.
Friend 2: You know, I can be a very wild fighter.
Friend 1: I just wanna have sex with you.
...

My friends and I plan on going to the cinema next week to watch My Name Is Khan. That's a weird name for a movie. What's his next movie gonna be, My Shoe Size Is 9? Bah.. Anyway, I asked my pathan friend to make his own movie: My Name Is Also Khan.

Talking about weird titles, there are so many pathetic groups of Facebook too. The one that goes like I L O V E Y O U is 8 letters but so is B U L L S H I T. Yeah? Well so is D I N O S A U R and Y O U R F A C E. Do these people lock themselves up in a room and beat themselves up until they come up with a "funny" line?

Speaking of Facebook, you know how there are quizzes, horoscopes and stuff on Facebook? I'm gonna make my own: What Will You Do In 2012? And no matter how you answer it, the result will be the same: Die.

I can't think of titles at all.

i like turtles

2010-02-05T14:15:00.000+05:00

meh

2010-01-30T15:43:00.002+05:00

I feel like being random. Writing this post in 3 minutes 50 seconds or something. I've had enough of this parade. I got glasses two weeks ago or something. They confuse the crap out of me. They make the whole world seem pr0n-ish. Keep waking up without you here. Another day, another year. I've been a little bit busy with chemistry. I hate it. I flunked the sendup examination. Then flunked the resendup examination. Now I have a REresendup on the 4th. I need to pass! Lean on me now. Lean on me now. It rained here yesterday. Awesomest day. Cracked lots of my-junk-is-so-big jokes in school.
Oh the song ended. I love Travis - Closer. It makes me cry. It's just so awesome.

Meh. (How do you 'meh' in real life?)

randomness #8121

2010-01-24T00:17:00.001+05:00

No chicken dies a virgin; they get laid at birth.

01101100 01101111 01101100

2010-01-23T16:24:00.003+05:00

That arm is not mine. Some super hot chick was hugging me. I have big man arms! True story.
I'm super geek ! Hooray! And now, my nose isn't the only thing that looks big on me.

GLASSES!

careers in mind?

2010-01-20T02:02:00.002+05:00

Comic stripper or a stand-up comedian(as opposed to the missionary-position comedian)?

Or boyfriend? :D It's all the same.

lesser known superheroes I

2010-01-19T16:37:00.002+05:00

Click to enlarge
I'm going to write ^that^ on my boxers.

just one

2010-01-18T00:05:00.000+05:00

Free hugs!

Plz. Just one? ^_^

arnie's cookbook

2010-01-11T19:06:00.001+05:00

comixed.com

:(

2010-01-09T01:36:00.001+05:00

That is how I feel right now. Why? Because I can't draw a girl.
:(

yellow cars pwn!

2010-01-06T00:41:00.003+05:00

(Do NOT try this at home)

True story.

sexy to the naked eye

2010-01-04T01:11:00.006+05:00

[This post was a lot weirder in my head.. This disappoints me. Got home today. Really tired. :heart:]

I wasn't here. I was in Lahore (proof later in the post). It was fun. I went to a bookstore with my cousin twice. And girls hit on me there. It was weird 'cause I'm only good-lookin' when I'm a mile away.. in the jungle somewhere. No, really. I AM ugly (proof later in the post).
But all is not lost. Today, at the bus station, some guy asked me something in english. And when I replied, I realized I still have my British accent. Woah. I don't talk in english at all and when I do, it's accentless. But this time, I knew he couldn't understand Urdu. So woah again. Just a little hot.

Physics is confusing. Newton likes to screw us because he never got laid. Probably because his pickup lines sucked: "You are the apple that fell on my head." Bleh.

Oh and then we went to the museum; there was nothing new there. Some of the stuff was pretty cool. Like this monkey.

I have gold plated teeth. It was the light! And the flash! Both were yellow. And uhh. Okay fine, I didn't brush my teeth at all in grade 3. But they shine in real life - when I'm a mile away.. in the jungle somewhere. But then I thought about it and there are only a few reasons to brush your teeth:
Going out on a date.
Going out to buy books.
Have any secrets to whispers.
And yes! Brush your teeth if your dentist is really ugly and you don't wish to spend much time with him/her.

On the other hand, if your dentist is super sexy..
I miss my dentist.

I don't understand girls. I say, "hey gtg shower" and they start screaming, "ewww too much information!"
They don't like us clean either.

YAY RANDOM ICE LOLLY!

Me around Badshahi Masjid and Lahore Fort:

Then I sat down and ate.

What can I say?.. I'm a sexy man.

smelly feet and a runny nose

2009-12-25T22:57:00.003+05:00

Why do people want me to have a girlfriend? I'm not boyfriend material. I don't like women; I'm gay. There are reasons:
1. Christian Bale.
2. Jonathan Rhys Meyers.
Yum. But still, I wanna know why why why! The comments on the post before the previous one confused me. This is so sad. I MIGHT write a longer post, someday..

I say the weirdest stuff when I'm sick. And most of the stuff I say is sick.
Like Jamie Foxx was named after his sister.
I just deleted a part of the post right here. It was too weird.

Oh and I won't be blogging for a while. Going somewhere tomorrow. I'll probably come back next year. If you miss me too much, email me, Fb me or write me a letter. But don't get too sad. Big boys don't cry.

major pwnage

2009-12-24T23:51:00.002+05:00

I asked my two year old niece, "Aap nay beech main potty ki hai?"
She said, "Koi baat nahin."

And she's sitting on my bed, reading a magazine and making up stories right now.

guys need their "guy talk"

2009-12-24T02:12:00.003+05:00

This might be a confusing post. I have a fever and I can't think straight. Probably why I feel so homosexual today.

Things have been getting really really weird in school. Between us guy friends and everything. There is only one thing we did this year and that is the "guy talk" - for educational purposes of course. And for some reason, we just stopped two weeks ago. Like not a word about it at all. And NOW, for some other really odd reason, we beat each other up. We just get together and beat one guy up. We get pissed at each other, punch, kick, throw, pinch, cuddle, and all the other stuff. Why? I don't know.
This is weird.

faceboob

2009-12-19T22:11:00.000+05:00

The internet has made the people just a tiny weee bit stupid:

YAY PURPLE.

guess who wears a bra..

2009-12-18T15:19:00.003+05:00

HOLY WOAH!

All the cool guys wear one.

what annoys the most?

2009-12-15T17:34:00.001+05:00

I don't get annoyed easily. But there are a few things which really ugh me up sometimes.

It annoys me when I tell a person about the movie I'm going to watch later and the person goes like, "Oh I didn't like the story at all."
At this point I'm all shut-up=please. And this is the reason why I don't tell people what I'm watching. I don't want to hear one bit about the movie. I don't care if they assume it's porn (it is, most of the time)(or is it?). Wouldn't it be funny if I told someone I'm watching this porn and he'd say, "Oh the story isn't original."

I'm not a good actor. And it annoys me when people make me repeat my jokes again. I don't want to. No.

And when kids play with my toys. Bring your own.

I can't think of anything else that annoys me, at the moment.

P.S. I tried to add my Facebook Badge midget (lol). It doesn't look cool here. And something's wrong with my Daddu. It's just not the same anymore. But yeah, people change.

super tag woah

2009-12-12T14:11:00.000+05:00

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
No.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
I don't remember.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Nope. It changes like yeah.

4. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Nope. I'm gay. I wouldn't like the gay me.

5. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Nope.

6. HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE IN A COUPLE OF YEARS? (REALISTICALLY PLEASE)
Awesomer.

7. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
No. I mean, what if I crap mid-air while going down? And hit my poop going back up?

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Coco stuff. Except for Coco Rice stuff and C/hoco Chex

9. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Yeah.

10. WOULD YOU MOVE AGAIN?
Next year, maybe. Woah.

11. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Noticing me.

12. RED OR PINK?
Red.

13. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I'm too awesome for my own good.

14. WHAT DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Question 13.

15. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
YES. :heart:

16. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?
Blue jeans and blue slippers. True story.

17. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Travis - Closer.

18. WHAT ANNOYS YOU THE MOST?
When people don't wash their hands.

19. FAVORITE SMELL?
FLEX SHAMPOO.

20. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My cousin.

21. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
She hates me.

22. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Basketball.

23. HAIR COLOR?
Black.

24. EYE COLOR?
Dark Brown.

25. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAJOR REGRETS?
Do I?

26. FAVORITE FOOD?
I don't know. O:

27. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Both, I guess.

28. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED, AND WITH WHOM?
Maira Pahla Pahla Piar. Touching.

29. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Brown.

30. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Both.

31. HUGS OR KISSES?
Both. ^-^

32. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Me.

33. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Me.

34. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Book.

35. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Softcom 2005.

36. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Some destruction of Earth documentary. Awesome.

37.WHAT LITTLE THING MAKES YOU HAPPY?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Perverted joke in head. Khakhakha.

38. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles that roll.

39. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Don't know.

40. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Being awesome.

41. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Closed Eyes... But she's already done it. =[

42 HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
The mirror. *slick smile*